"Why are overnights so expensive?"

Why are escorts so damn expensive? Is it just because you can? $3 or $4k for one night. That's crazy. Most of the time is sleeping anyway.

There's quite a lot to this question, even though it's short! I'll try and cover everything I think might help you out.

"Why is a date with an escort so expensive?"

Any escort encounter - long or short - can be expensive, depending on who you choose to spend time with. Independent escorts set their own rates, and those rates can range from a couple hundred dollars per hour to a thousand or more.

There are many reasons why escorts charge as much as they do. I've written a whole blog post about this, but if you'd like a quick summary, here are a few:

We may not work as often as you think. If your worker is low volume, that 'high' hourly rate needs to cover their expenses for weeks.

You're paying for emotional labour. A good session is about much more than a bit of physical exercise. Escorts put a lot of emotional effort into helping you feel comfortable and making sure the session goes smoothly. These are top-notch social skills that not everyone has, and they come at a premium.

You're paying for the work we do outside the bedroom. Answering calls, screening potential clients, getting ready for bookings...all this preparation takes time and, as they say, time is money.

We have to deal with sex work stigma. Sex work rates include 'inconvenience fees' - the crap we have to deal with from the law, our social circles, and the general public. As long as sex work stigma and whorephobia affect us, we're entitled to charge extra to make up for the difficulties we face.

An escort's operating costs can be steep. There are a lot of expenses involved in the job - hair and makeup, lingerie, travel, security, bookkeeping, to name just a few. You might not realise how much of our hourly rate gets eaten away by these other expenses.

Access to our bodies is personal, and valuable. Being physically intimate with strangers can be hard work, and every worker has the right to set a rate that feels fair to them.

"Why pay for an 'overnight', if you spend most of the time sleeping?"

You mention overnight bookings - sessions of 10-14 hours where your escort might stay over at your home or hotel. You might also be considering a dinner date, which is an evening-long session that includes going out for a meal together.

I consider overnight bookings and dinner dates to fall squarely in the 'advanced' category - they take a lot of planning and I don't recommend them for beginner clients.

During a long date such as an overnight, you may only have sex once or twice. The rest of the time will be spent dining together and sharing other activities such as flirty conversation, a movie, a night out on the town, or a long cuddle session on the couch. A longer date isn't about getting laid more; it's about enjoying your escort's company and growing a deeper sense of intimacy.

A dinner date or overnight can be very hard work for your escort. Because you're spending such a long time together, it's easy for things to get awkward. For this reason, many escorts won't accept long dates with new clients - they insist on a shorted session first, so that they can ensure you're compatible. Nobody wants to be stuck in a hotel room for 8 hours with someone they don't get along with!

For the same reason, some escorts charge high rates for these longer experiences. It has very little to do with the amount of sex, and everything to do with the sustained emotional effort - that invisible 'emotional labour' I mentioned earlier. This emotional stuff is just as much work - sometimes more - than getting naked and sweaty with a client.

Of course, this kind of session isn't for everyone. If you're the kind of client who focuses on the physical stuff and companionship isn't a priority, you're probably not going to find a dinner date or overnight very rewarding.

But plenty of clients love longer sessions and all they entail...they're not 'crazy' for paying $3,000 or more for this kind of experience, if it makes them happy.

Let's talk about your feelings (my favourite bit!)

From the wording of your message, it seems you might feel angry, frustrated, or perhaps disappointed that escorts charge so much for overnights. It kind of feels like you're saying 'it's unfair I can't afford what I want' or 'I'm angry at people who can afford this, when I can't.' If I were getting really creative, I could even venture that perhaps you can afford this rate, but feel annoyed that the value we're placing on our services is so high, when you don't see it that way?

When I feel something is unfair, I sometimes catch myself using the word 'should' a lot. 'Things should be different' I might mutter to myself. Or, 'That person should listen to me. It's not fair.'

We all get stuck in this way of thinking sometimes. But if you get too hung up on what you think other people should or shouldn't be doing, you're setting yourself up for a major fail. 'Should' is a way of thinking that gives away our power - instead of finding ways to improve our troubles, we make ourselves subject to the whims of others.

Of course, I'm not saying it's your fault if something unfair happens to you - people find themselves in crappy situations all the time. But 'should' bogs you down, when you could be using that mental energy more effectively.

Instead of getting stuck on 'should', I try to ask 'why?' and 'what can I do about it?' For example, 'Why are escorts so expensive? There must be a reason...' Once you've accepted that there is indeed a reason why escorts choose to charge what they do, you can ask yourself, 'What can I do to raise the money I need?' or 'How can I find an affordable compromise?'

If you're on a budget, you might want to consider workers with lower rates - many people who work at lower price points are just as professional as those who charge a premium. You might decide to save up for a while to treat yourself, or book a short session rather than a long one. Parlours and brothels are also a perfectly acceptable choice, if they're available in your area, and they're more affordable than spending time with independent workers.

Whatever you do, work on your mindset before you approach someone for session. If you try to bargain for a lower rate, many escorts will refuse you outright. Even if you do secure a booking, your worker may pick up on your 'it's not fair' attitude, and you'll get a bad service.

'Good vibes only' is an important rule for ensuring a fun experience. Don't book an escort unless you feel satisfied with the exchange and you're sure it will meet your needs (financially, and otherwise).