I’m having trouble with my current provider. She's no-showed on me twice and was 2 hours late for a 6 hour booking. Ordinarily I would just find someone else, but we have the most amazing sexual chemistry together and we get along like old friends. I’m trying to decide whether or not to give her another chance. What are your thoughts?
It's disappointing when we find someone who seems perfect for us, but doesn't live up to our hopes - whether it's a romantic partner, a new employee, your local barista, or your favorite sex worker.
Sexy service businesses work the same as any other type of enterprise - everyone runs things their own way. Workers will vary in their level of reliability, punctuality, and communication.
Unfortunately, if you feel someone is letting you down, it can be difficult (or impossible) to work out why. There are plenty of reasons why people might run late or not turn up. Clients do it to me, too - and when they do, I'm never 100% sure whether their 'family emergency' was genuine, or they're just not very good at showing up.
Paying the 'price of admission'
Let's focus on what you can do in this situation.
An oft-repeated bit of relationship advice is, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." You have excellent chemistry with your worker, but she's also less reliable than you're comfortable with. It's safest to assume none of that will change.
Sex advice columnist Dan Savage often talks about the 'price of admission' when it comes to relationships - the things we accept about our partners, even though it's not perfect for us. Is this pattern of lateness and no-shows a price you're willing to pay, to make this professional relationship work?
This predicament is less about 'giving her another chance' and hoping she'll change than whether you'll accept this as part of the exchange. Is the fun you have together worth it? If so, making a conscious decision to shrug off any missed connections might help you manage your expectations.
On the other hand, if it's not something you're okay with, you'll need to find someone else.
Moving on often feels difficult...but it's not impossible.
You fear losing something special. That's valid. But don't get stuck in a scarcity mentality!
Although your connection with this person is unique and important, she's not the only worker you can click with. And, unlike dating, you don't have to wait for the right person to come along...you can get online and start searching for your next companion right away.
Knowing that you have options is crucial. Favorite workers certainly do move interstate or overseas, or sometimes they quit the industry altogether. If this happens, you'll need to go through the same process of finding someone new. No matter how much you enjoy their company, it's always worth reminding yourself that it's not forever.
