Safer sex doesn't have to suck. Here's how I do it.

‘Safer sex’. The phrase sounds kind of boring, doesn't it?

It reads like something from an academic textbook, or a topic you discuss at a work seminar. Accordingly, you might assume it's a huge mood killer. Condoms, lubricants, and awkward fumbling around – how could any of that stuff possibly turn us on?

Well, I’m here to tell you differently. In my adventures as an escort, I’ve discovered that being sensible often creates a sexy mood, rather than destroying it.

What is safer sex?

‘Safer’ sex’ refers to the stuff we do in the bedroom to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It’s not called ‘safe sex’ because there is no such thing as completely-risk-free-intimacy. If you want to be one-hundred-percent safe, abstinence is the only option – you’ll need to lock your front door and switch on the television!

Obviously, that’s not an option I recommend. If we’re going to have fun, we need to make some judgment calls about how risky we want our sex to be.

For some people, this simply means using condoms. For others, it’s about using condoms for giving or receiving oral sex. Often, it also includes being careful where you put your hands, and trying not to transfer any potential infections.

Does safer sex really matter?

So, why am I making such a big deal out of safer sex? Australia is a good place to have sex – the chances of catching something are relatively low. You’re even better off if you see an escort, as sex workers in Australia tend to be better informed than the general population. We’re good at safer sex, and we generally also get checkups more often than regular folk too.

For me, there are two reasons.

Firstly, just because a risk is low doesn’t mean that there’s no risk at all. And since our bodies are useful, and we only get one of them in our lifetimes, I advocate taking good care of them.

Secondly, sex is more fun when you don’t have to worry about STIs. Getting laid can be nerve-wracking enough: we’re trying to simultaneously take care of our partners, enjoy ourselves, and look good while doing it. Why add additional worries to the mix? Even if it’s unlikely, the idea that there is a risk can really ruin the mood. Being as safe as possible helps everyone relax.

How do escorts practice safer sex?

Escorts offer a range of safer sex methods depending on our preferences. There's no strict ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ – we're all working to whatever level of risk we feel comfortable with.

But it's important that everyone’s choices should be respected - both the escort's and the client's.

Generally, if two people are involved in an encounter, the standards used should be the higher of the two. This means that you need to respect the preferences of the lady you’re with … and you also have the right to a higher standard of safer sex than your date, if you feel something is missing.

In my sexual encounters, I use condoms for intercourse, condoms for oral (what is often called a ‘covered blow job’ or CBJ) and dental dams (small squares of latex) when I go down on other ladies. I’ve made these choices because I feel they’re right for me – I want to keep myself in the best possible physical condition, in order to more fully enjoy the adventures I have with my clients.

Many folks assume dealing with safer sex equipment is awkward, but it really doesn't need to be. Your worker will generally come fully equipped, and when the time is right they'll bring out the condoms and lube.

It's a regular part of sex - unless you make a big deal out of it, it shouldn't feel too weird.

Safer sex gives you peace of mind

I have lovers who are nervous about allowing someone into their lives, emotionally or physically; they may have had bad experiences with STIs from partners in the past, or they may be in existing relationships and don’t want to risk passing anything on. Some guys are very particular about their bodies, with strict diets and fitness regimes, and they worry about staying healthy. I also see a lot of couples who are protective of the health and happiness of their loved ones – for them, protected sex with outside participants is another way they demonstrate care for each other.

Personally, I love being ‘swept away’ by the sensations of my body without that sinking feeling that can show up for me afterwards, the ‘what have I done?’ of a risky encounter. That peace of mind is the real (and most realistic reason) that this stuff matters. Once you've taken care of the practicalities, everyone can relax and the real fun can begin...