Many people who haven’t experienced the sex industry assume it’s just about one thing: cis women swapping sex for money. But if you’re lucky enough to be a part of this world, you know that sex workers provide a huge range of services, have a dazzling array of skills, and are very diverse in their genders and sexualities.

We’ve had a lot of clients ask The Satisfaction Project about approaching trans sex workers respectfully. We also appreciate the skill and insights that kink professionals can bring to the sex industry. So imagine how excited we were to interview Adelaide Asterix -  a trans worker and Professional Mistress with years of experience in the kink scene!

Adelaide recently spoke with our founder Georgie Wolf, sharing her wisdom on how to be a good client for trans workers and how to have a rewarding BDSM session with a Pro Domme.

Introducing Adelaide Asterix: Pro Domme and Kinky Companion

Adelaide Asterix describes herself as an ‘International Trans Fetish Goddess’ with a passion for kink, connection, and power exchange. She’s a Domme and luxury companion with over six years of experience in professional play and a wide-ranging skill set.

She originally hails from Sydney, where she was trained by a range of experienced Dommes at Mistress Ruben’s Temple 22. Many of these mentors are associated with the renowned Salon Kitty's, an establishment that was famous throughout the noughties as the center of kink life in Sydney. “I've worked in a traditional house and consider myself part of the tradition of Australian BDSM,” she says, “but now I am on my path, exploring things I find interesting, sexy, and exciting." After several years in the industry, she now bases herself between Berlin, London, Melbourne, and her home, Sydney.

Adelaide wants to stress that she can’t speak for all kink or trans workers. “As a trans woman, my experience is so different to what a trans guy or an AFAB nonbinary person might experience,” she says. So please use this conversation as a starting point, and always follow your worker’s specific instructions.

Tip number one: Trust your provider

An honest, trusting approach is the main thing that Adelaide sees in clients with whom she has the best connections.

“If you're coming in with honesty and openness about who you are, what your expectations are, and just being really clear about that, that's probably going to mean we're going to have fun.”

She acknowledges that all clients have concerns about privacy that make them reluctant to screen or prevent them from sharing intimate details about their desires and fantasies. Some are afraid to share their real name or are overly worried about paying a deposit. “I can understand this fear,” she says, “But I have a profile and a reputation. How am I supposed to trust you, as a faceless person, in order to organize a meetup?”

Adelaide also points out that beginning an encounter in bad faith is going to lead to a bad experience. When a client is requesting kink services, putting themselves in situations where they’re supposed to be physically and emotionally vulnerable to their Dominant, surely there should be enough trust to share screening details? “I mean, what am I going to do with that information?” she says. “‘Kiss and tell' is not my style.”

It’s important to negotiate (and prepare) in advance

Another thing Adelaide highlights is recognizing the need to prepare for certain services, especially anal play. This is another reason why clients need to be up-front about what they’re hoping for. “When it comes to topping and bottoming," she says, "it's quite important. If the person wants bottoming to come into it, obviously that takes preparation. It can't just be 'let's meet up and see what happens’.”

This is why communicating your desires with your professional is so important. “I'm sure it feels easier [to not say anything], but then you run the risk of wanting to bottom and maybe not being able to, or requesting that from me, but I haven't prepared.” A little mess isn't the end of the world, but making an effort to avoid this is both considerate and more hygienic.

Be respectful

Adelaide only sees people who treat her as a human being, not a label.

“The clients I get are often ones that are really good, who see me as a woman and engage with me in a normal way as a person,” she says. “It helps that I have a complex brand, not just 'sexy lady'. People know that I'm trans, and I offer fetish experiences alongside more vanilla dynamics. They know my service isn't necessarily a standard one.”

Dehumanization is certainly something she’s experienced along her journey. When a client wants to spend time with a trans woman but needs a cis woman present as a ‘security blanket’, it often raises red flags. “I think it used to come up more when my branding was more neutral,” she says. “I've had a few experiences working with cis mistresses and other sex workers where their client requested a trans woman as part of the session.”

Adelaide explains that not all of these kinds of bookings are bad, but they do require extra work. “Where you need a cis worker there to see me, or you want me to rail your wife in front of you and leave, I mostly say ‘no’ to those sessions.” If she does agree, it's in situations where she knows she's being seen as equal to the cis people present and not just as a sexual prop.

When it comes to being fetishized, Adelaide understands that many clients still haven’t figured themselves out. “A lot of people aren't sure where their kink might fit into their lives and where their attraction to trans women might fit. Often, clients see themselves as straight and don't realize that seeing trans women is a common, coherent part of straight male sexuality.”

Fortunately, the booking process makes it difficult for transphobic clients to see her. Once they’ve corresponded and planned to meet, things have become more real, and they’ve built a genuine connection. “So, for the most part, my clients are very cool. They get it. They see me as a person. And they're ready for what I've got to offer.”

Understand that trans women are women

When you approach a trans woman for a booking it's a good idea not to discount her womanhood.

One problem Adelaide sometimes encounters is that clients just don’t understand the fact that a trans woman is a woman. 'Just like you would say a thin woman or a white woman, being trans is an adjective.' Clients sometimes become distracted by the novelty of seeing a non-cis worker and start saying strange or offensive things that run the risk of putting off the provider.

“I'm a woman. I'm not a non-binary person. I'm not something in between,” she says. “I think some clients get really hung up on the fact that trans people exist, and they will say really offensive or grammatically incorrect things like 'I have seen a trans' or 'you're my first trans'. I hear this all the time. People can be really reluctant to call me a woman for some reason. They're like 'You're a trans person'.”

Knowing the right way to talk about trans women isn’t just about avoiding offense. Most importantly, it’s about knowing the facts. “It's not like I need constant affirmation of my gender, that's not interesting to me. It's just a statement of fact about my lived reality. And often people make these mistakes before they meet me - before they even understand what the reality is.”

Although she includes basic information about gender on her website and shares her thoughts on social media, Adelaide knows that not everyone has all the facts before they approach a trans sex worker. “I'll correct someone if they repetitively say the wrong thing, but I'm pretty laid back at the end of the day. I've got a thick enough skin that if someone says the wrong thing out of ignorance, but fundamentally I feel they respect me, that's good enough.”

There’s more than one way to do BDSM

Adelaide says that there are often different expectations of her compared to Cis Mistresses.

Traditionally, many BDSM professionals refuse to provide sexual services. Anything more sexually involved than a hand job is completely off-limits and even nudity is frowned upon. “To be an authentic Domme is something that's big in advertising. To be a real Dominatrix you have to be covered up. When I was training it was like, ‘You must be wearing a corset at least...you can't just be wearing a bra and undies’. Those rules are a bit dated but they're still upheld…”

But many trans kink workers find that their clients have certain expectations around the sexual content of a session. “The expectation of me, as a trans woman, is that I won't be covered up. To be fully exposed. People want to see this body in all its actuality, and that is a big part of the experience.”

There’s pressure to conform to this double standard. “I would say that some kind of sex is actually standard - that's something we have to work with. If you think about it, politically, it's kind of disappointing that a cis woman who is a Pro Domme doesn't necessarily have to do intercourse but a trans woman with a dick has to.”

She notes that other trans workers might have different experiences. But her experience is that providing a kink service without sex isn’t economically viable. “In terms of having a trans body in this industry…it's the point of difference for me. We could talk about the phenomenology of sexual fetish and Domination for probably too long! But to be a trans woman, you are in a category.”

Despite the double standards, she says the more sexual elements of kink can be an important part of the session. “There's sometimes the traditional attitude where to be sexual with a client makes you less...whereas actually... erotic domination is my specialty. It's a big tool for getting to the core of fantasy.”

These experiences help ease clients into a broader understanding of what sex with women can be like. “I did have resistance to that, and resentment of it…but as soon as I stopped resisting that and allowed it to come into play more...if the erotic content is in play, the sexual content is in play, then a lot of stuff that goes on around that isn't just about the dick. Maybe that's the gateway that potentially gets clients thinking differently.”

Things are changing in recent times, as we come to understand that whorearchy (judging workers based on which services they do or don’t offer) is harmful. There’s much more acceptance of the fact every worker has the right to set their own rates and decide on their own services. In short, it’s essential to do things our own way.

Adelaide cherishes this individual approach. “Especially when Domming,” she says. “I remember seeing an old magazine from the seventies or eighties in the dungeon, back when I used to wear Birkenstocks all the time. One of the receptionists found it and said 'It's you, Adelaide'! And it was two women doing Femdom with a guy on his knees but they were wearing Birkenstocks!”

How to please her: trust, respect, and quality lingerie

At the end of the day, Adelaide says that a good client is someone who brings trust and respect to a session. “I guess I just appreciate a level of oversight - that can take lots of different forms. Trust and respect. I'm lucky - I do get that from my clients.”

Adelaide wants to be appreciated for her skills and personality, not just her body. “When the client is happy for it not to just be about my dick and getting fucked...I mean, I do like my dick! But I have a lot of skills. The dick is part of it. But there are transcendent experiences that you can have with a trans woman that don't have to involve genitals.”

The bottom line is this: being a talented sex worker is about your personality first and your body second. A client that understands this will be able to enjoy the full spectrum of what she has to offer.

She has one last tip for potential playmates. “I love when clients buy me lingerie. I've had some pretty good experiences lately.”