Hey, clients! Appearances matter…but not in the way you think

Recently, a client asked me an interesting question.

He said, “You’ve done blogs about physical ability and penis size and lots of stuff that guys worry about,” he said, “but you haven’t actually talked about physical appearance specifically. Does being attractive matter to the escorts I see?”

We we were sharing a milkshake in a local café. Only a few months before, we had celebrated his fortieth birthday with chocolate cake and a threesome (as you do). Between myself, my playmate and my client, he was the oldest of us three - but I hadn’t even considered it at the time. Working as an escort has allowed me to meet and play with so many different types of people that I often forget that clients worry about their age or appearance.

It’s common for me to meet an older man who feels self-conscious about sleeping with a younger woman. And then there’s the persistent myth about guys who see sex workers: that they must not be able to ‘get sex any other way’ and therefore must be less attractive that regular folks.

But I don’t think either of these assumptions are true.

Society has conditioned us to judge others based on very fixed characteristics - facial features, skin colour, height, age, weight, and level of fitness. We often assume there's some sort of attractiveness hierarchy that means a few lucky folks win the best dates (and the best sex), and the rest of us lose out.

My work has taught me that sexual attraction is subjective.

Attractiveness isn't fixed - in practice, we all look for different things.

Curves, eyes, hands, asses, smiles, fashion, dance moves...there are thousands of potential attributes we might fixate on.  As we grow and age, our idea of what’s attractive changes too – and if it can change then, why not now? Why not just open ourselves up to a wider definition of ‘attractive’ than the conventional?

I’ve met plenty of people who don’t fit neatly under the 'conventionally attractive' heading for whatever reason  – the woman who had a mastectomy, or the guy from Asia, or the bloke in the wheelchair. With each of these clients, I had a great connection and very good sex.

If physical appearance doesn't matter, what does?

When I meet someone new, I judge them much more by the effort they put in than by what they look like.

I judge them by how kind they are, whether they have good taste in music, their politics, their life experience. If my client has a haircut that suits them, or a beautiful tattoo, or a great geeky t-shirt, those things can be just as sexy to me as the shape of their nose or their body fat percentage.

I love a man who will dress well just to meet me; I find it endearing that someone values my presence enough to go to the trouble. I have a young client who was quite shy when we first met, but after a few play sessions he grew a moustache…and we were both pleased with the way it expressed his personality!

Emotional awareness and good communication skills can also be a turn-on. There's nothing better than a date where we spend hours flirting by talking about our past sexual experiences, and confiding what we'd like to try when we're finally alone in the bedroom.

The best thing about all these attributes is that they're something you have control over.

You can choose how much of an effort to make with your personal hygiene and presentation when you meet an escort for the first time. You can choose to express your personality. And you can work on your social and sexual skills so that you have something to offer your intimate partners.

Rather than relying on conventional standards, you can do better. And I guarantee you'll be appreciated just as much, if not more, by your escort.